Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
