I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
