If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
areolas are like halos for boobs.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
