Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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