that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
