it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
