i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
