Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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