I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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