Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
