I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
