Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
