I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
