There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
