you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
