why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
