Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The air taste purple.
Randomize
