The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
