ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize