Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
