When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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