I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
