woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
