I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
