Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
