I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
zippers are such a cool invention
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
