Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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