AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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