I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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