i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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