in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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