I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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