i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
