I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
