we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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