im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
