I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
