$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
