My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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