yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
