I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
