you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
