I will die if light touches me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
