There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize