Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
