i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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