you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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