Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
