So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My bed smells like the plague
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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