I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
