you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
