i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
accomplished twins. life is a go
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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