anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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