I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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