Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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