Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
