Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
