Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
