Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
