Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
