Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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