Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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