At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
