there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
false alarm. still invincible.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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