There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
