The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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