life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
