i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
